Monday, September 8, 2008

Words to live by...learn from my mistakes

I am sitting here with a bottle of Pinot Grigio, watching my Vikings play the Packers and keep thinking of random sayings and lessons I’ve learned…so instead of keeping them to myself I figured I would share them with y’all. Enjoy.

Pre-Gaming is always more fun when shots are involved…trust me on this one, your night will be 10 times better.

Learn from white people, let go when you go out. Fellas, flirt back with the fat girl. Ladies, let the ugly guy chat with you for a sec. You’ll make the world a safer place.

Go to comedy clubs…there are more funny people on this earth than you think.

Stop jackin' off/poppin the pepsi can so much…get some real action.

Do something new at least once a week…you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Stop f*cking crazy b*tches…you knew that was banana cream pie when you met her…

Fellas stop judging women by the size of their azz. Ladies, stop judging men by how much money they have.

Ladies, stop asking us questions you already know the answer to. Matter of fact, stop asking us questions period because they are usually stupid is what it is.

Fellas, stop messing with that girl just because you wanna smash, even though you know you can’t stand talking to her azz.

Ladies, go play a sport, join a team. That way you can understand that YOU’RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT and NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL THE GOT DAYUM TIME!

Wine gives you a better buzz than hard liquor does, and it’s better for you.

Some days for no reason at all, dress as fresh as you can. You’ll feel good about it.

“Variety is the spice of life” – Mike Williams

Never be ashamed of anything you do or say…

“Do what ever you have to do for your life to be the sh*t” – Katt Williams

If you gon’ do that shyt…DO THAT SHYT! – Faheem Majeed

If you stay ready, you ain’t never gotta get ready

Work smarter not harder…Do the worst task first.

"If you don't like your team, get a new one, it's really that simple." Mikey Flynn

"Get rid of the wackness and the dopeness will flow." - James Williams

Ladies always want a guy who has a sense of humor...why don't you start by having one yourself?

Fellas, stop saying reckless shyt to babes simply because you have nothing to lose...creativity/originality will get you farther than you think.

Fellas, you feel worse by NOT trying to holler at that girl than you would if you tried and got dissed. Square your shoulders, get your elbow in, and follow through.

Trust your instincts...thinking isn't all it's cracked up to be.

"You can't fix stupid" - Ron White

Ladies, men are really THAT simple...really, we are. I promise. Stop looking for latent meanings in our behaviors and words, because you're looking for something that isn't there...

Most men don't have the "unconditional love gene" thus if you're not our offspring, mother, or immediate family member, we need a reason to like you...give us one (or ten) and you got us. It's really that simple. (see above statement)

...and to answer your question ladies, YES we are always trying to f*ck you...but you knew that already didn't you?

*if you'd like further explanation of any of these proverbs, have one yourself, or think I am utterly retarded, please share your thoughts.*